Saturday, January 6, 2024

Finishing off the first week

 Looks like I'm on a one day, two day, three day pattern here. 

For Thursday, I'm grateful for the competence I've gained in my cooking. I made the kids homemade breadsticks and chicken noodle soup tonight, and it all was done in less than an hour and ran really smoothly. Nell helped and that was a lot of fun. I also had some good one on one time with Coraline today. I love little moments spent with each kid individually. 

For Friday, I'm grateful for date nights and tacos. Ben and I got to go out together after Lewis was asleep. It's so nice to have time together. The two little girls were kind of a mess once we got home and turned off screens, but Ben and I handled it together and just had a great evening. What a nice way to end a week of sick kids after sick kids.

Today, I'm grateful to finally have snow! The kids played together in it for a good 20 - 30 minutes and it's so fun to see Lewis joining the original four in their adventures and friendship. Snow has always been able to bring my kids together for a good time and special memory building. I love it!

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

Two Days

Well, I missed yesterday, but I'm not going for perfection here. So I'll just share that my intention was to write something marvelously spiritual about nature, and maybe specifically about Lake Michigan. I drove to the beach today, point beach state forest to be exact, and it was a grounding experience. I love the power nature has over me, to ground me to my reality. 

Today I am grateful for health. Each of the kids have had a little bout with an upset tummy, but it was so mild and quick and I feel like we escaped something that could have been much worse. Phew, I'll take a break where I can. 

Monday, January 1, 2024

Year of Gratitude

 I set a resolution to write down something I'm grateful for each night before I go to bed. Here's a good a place as any to jot those thoughts down. 


Tonight, I'm thankful for laundry piles. They cover the couch in the living room, and they are a sign that I accomplished a lot today. Lewis was sick last night, so that threw off my morning. I didn't get to the laundry until well after 2pm, but I still have five to six loads completed. I hesitate to write "it feels good to be productive" because I know my value is dependent upon productivity. What feels good is to have a home full of so many sweet little souls who need clean laundry as they head back to school after a long holiday break. It feels good to meet that simple need for my little loves. 

Monday, July 25, 2022

Family Budget System That Works (for us)

For me, learning how to navigate finances has been a 20 year process. My parents told me to build good credit and not to go in to debt for anything but a home, car, and education. I'm forever grateful they set me off on the right foot to do just that. They paid for my undergrad and built good credit for me by cosigning on a car loan they paid for monthly (so yes, I acknowledge I had a lot of financial privilege as a young adult). But when I look back, I realize my parents taught me the what about finances without really teaching me how. I didn't know how to budget.

Before any purchase, I always knew I had to have enough money to make the purchase and enough money to pay any bills that would come up before my next paycheck. This is a fine way to live paycheck to paycheck, but it is not budgeting. Sure, I was using free online budgeting tools to track my spending, but what I should have been doing was tracking my money to determine my spending. See the difference? I was living in a spend what you make and then figure out how it fits in your budget cycle instead of a track what you earn and budget how you are going to spend cycle. 

I wonder how many other young adults (and even grown adults) function this way? I'd imagine it's quite a lot. According to research most of us to spend just 5 to 10 percent more than we earn. So we aren't that far off on our budgets, but over time this habit leads to credit card debt -- which is exactly what my parents taught me to avoid. It's great advice, but without a how to map, it's hard advice to follow. 

With the help of some very basic financial tips from people like Dave Ramsey and Elizabeth Warren, and places like NPR's LifeKit podcast and You Need A Budget columns, I have honed a system over the last several years that really works well for my family. I found my how to map, and I thought I'd share it here in case any parts of my budgeting process would work well for others. 

START WITH A ZERO SUM BUDGET

One of the first big changes I made was to pay for an online budgeting tool. Three years ago I signed up for YNAB and I have absolutely no regrets. The free online budgeting tools I'd been using just weren't serving me well. If you need visual proof for how much YNAB helped turn our finances around, take a look at this:


Between home improvement projects, vehicle loans, and living that 5-10% above our monthly income, we'd accumulated almost $26,000 of debt. Yikes! The thing I love most about this image is that climb from 4/20 to 4/21. Between the pandemic and some marriage troubles, that was a really terrible year, but somehow we climbed our way out of debt. 

Let's quick talk about some bumps and flatlines you may notice on that graph. You can see the first five months were pretty steady. It's typical for people to take a few months to get a sense of what they are spending and what they can do to earn more and cut costs. I'm glad I didn't give up after not seeing much change for the first four months. 

You likely notice some big jumps at the beginning of each new year. Those are our tax returns. I prefer to receive our child tax credit on a monthly basis. If you do too, check out Senator Romney's Family Security Act, and if you support it too, call your legislators and tell them to sign on. 

The first dip (4/20) was the purchase of a new car. That set us back, but we had it paid off in just two years. That's something we never could have done in the past. The other dips (8/21 and 1/22) were my tuition payments. In addition to paying off a car in two years, I've been able to go back to school for a master's degree without taking out any student loans (yet). That's another thing I would have never thought was possible three years ago. So let's get down to the details of how all this was possible. 

THE 50/30/20 PLAN

Here's where I used a combination of Dave Ramsey and Elizabeth Warren (quite the pair, I know). I like Dave Ramsey's debt snowball idea and I've always been committed to paying 10% of my income to tithing. So those were two ideas I could follow with perfection. I did not buy wholesale into some of his other, more restrictive, ideas. That's where I adopted Elizabeth Warren's 60/20/20 approach. Warren suggests people use 60% of their income for necessary living expenses, 20% for paying down debt and/or saving to avoid debt and plan for retirement, and 20% for life's pleasures. A lot of other advice I'd read confirmed this idea. Savvy savers pay themselves 20% (for savings and investments) first. Other financial experts warn against depriving yourself of nonessential things like occasionally eating out or taking a vacation in order to pay off debt and save for retirement (the Ramsey approach). Too much restraint can lead to unrestrained splurges. 

For the first couple years I put 60% of all our income into our living expenses and tithing. I then put 20% right into tackling our debt, using the Ramsey snowball method. Finally, I did my best to keep 20% available for things like a YMCA membership (until I wised up and got a job there and had a free membership), family vacations, and other fun but not completely necessary things. Occasionally I did dip in to that 20% to cover an unexpected necessary expense (darn car repairs) or to increase debt payments and save on interest. 

I've made a few adjustments over the years and feel really confident that I am at the perfect place now. My first adjustment was to move our 10% for tithing out of the necessary bills category and into the savings category. It's a small change, but an important mental switch. So now we have a 50/30/20 plan.  Half of all our income goes right into the following eight categories: mortgage, groceries, vehicles (repairs, fuel, registration), utility bills (phone, electric, internet), home maintenance, medical bills, clothing, and personal care (toiletries, haircuts, etc). 



Categories like the mortgage and utilities always have a set amount and are fully spent by the end of each month. Other categories, like vehicles, home maintenance, and medical, may fluctuate to cover (and ideally save) for those unexpected expense. Other categories, like clothing, may have $100 set aside each month without spending any for several months until all my kids suddenly new need shoes. If our income goes up one month, I can put a little extra in categories that might need a bigger cushion. This is how we save up for emergency expenses and stay two to three months ahead of our bills. 

But we still try to build up savings elsewhere, which leads us right into the 30%. 


Like I said earlier, so far I've been able to pay for graduate school without taking out any student loans. It feels fabulous. I consider furthering my education an investment, so this expense goes right alongside saving for an emergency fund, investing, and charitable giving. Remember, this portion of our budget used to be 20% to snowball debt, but after about 15 months of doing that, we were debt free and able to switch it over to a savings and investment category (just like Elizabeth Warren recommended). My goal is that if we need a car loan in the future (I'm guessing we will, sorry Dave Ramsey) we'll put that expense into the vehicle category and we'll be able avoid ever using 20% of our income for debt payments. 


Finally, we put the last 20% in what YNAB calls "Quality of Life Goals." As much as I'd love to pay off my mortgage in my 40s, I prefer to take a family vacation once a year, let my kids take music and sports lessons, and have a decent Christmas. We don't live frivolously -- most our family vacations have been spent in state parks and we do not have the money for traveling sports teams or a dog (yes, our family pet really is a turtle).  

One of my favorite things about this system is that we can put some money each month into things like a vacation or gifts and build up a decent amount for a couple nights in Chicago or a memorable Christmas. I'm no longer suddenly approaching the holidays and wondering if I have enough for all the gifts I need to buy. I know exactly how much money I can spend and that is what determines the gifts I buy. 

Final Thoughts

I may come back in a few years and realize there is an even better system for our family. I personally recommend everyone do what I did, and just read as much as you can from different sources and find what works best for you. I have friends who love Dave Ramsey's approach and others who likely need to spend more than 50% of their income on necessary bills. Make the adjustments that work for you. 

I expect this to always work for us though. As I return to work in a few years and our income goes up, every category can go up. That means we can update our vehicles, take nicer vacations, save more for retirement and give more to charity. As long as I know we are living within our budget and have a couple months worth of savings built up in each category, we can handle small lifestyle creeps and unexpected expenses as our salaries increase. 
 

Monday, November 16, 2020

Photos of the last few weeks

I'm going through old photos, like 2018 photos, and I'm realizing there are so many pictures I take because I want to write something down about that moment. And well, now all those moments are more than 2 years old and I don't have any reason to keep the photos -- but I also hate to just delete them and forget those small moments that were so precious for a fleeting time.  

That made me realize I need to share some of the most recent small moment photos I've taken. Some are snapped because the kids want them remembered, like this one below of Nell. We had a week of exceptionally wonderful weather in November (I feel like we always have one nice week in November), so we made the best of it and invited multiple friends over to play -- outside, cause there is still a pandemic -- and during one of those playdates the kids traced themselves in sidewalk chalk and then drew their characters. I thought that was such a clever idea (it was our church friend, Zoe, who thought of it). Nell drew herself doing her flamingo pose on her scooter. Mara drew herself (probably withe help from Nell) as a mermaid, and Coraline was an explorer. This was just a portion of the fun we had with the Mueller family as they spent about three hours at our house (yes, outside the whole time) one afternoon.   


Our Church friends have been a big staple through all this COVID stuff. We've done a lot with the Porter's and the Martin's too, and during the years I didn't blog we had a super sweet bond with the Brady's. I'm kind of sad I don't ever capture these friendships or most our vacations on this blog. Maybe one day I'll catch up (but I also don't want every post to be me lamenting my desire to catch up, ha!)


Election day was beautiful, for many reasons, but I snapped this photo of the kids playing at our town hall because they so excitedly noticed it's a Green Bay Packers playground, ha! I tried to take a better photo, but my phone has no space on it (which is why I'm going through old pictures). I just love how Wisconsin they are. Also, I have a feeling the colors really were intentionally chosen. 


Halloween was a little different this year, but still declared the best ever. We trick or treated at just 5 houses and then went to our friend's the Morriss's to run around their backyard and be the wild kids they were all bound to be. They were dressed up, high on sugar, and enjoying a full moon, the recipe for a perfect Halloween, right?


Sometimes I spend more time than is normal trying to capture Mara's beautiful curls. I'm just convinced they won't grow back once I finally cut her hair, so I've got to remember them!




Our friends the Belnaps moved to Utah over the summer but they still managed to "BOO" us like they do every year. The kids were so excited to get a little Halloween care package in the mail. I love how these little joys can just make their evening. 

Of course there are lots of memories worth capturing that I don't ever get pictures of. Reid's been venturing over to the nature center a lot this fall, and on several occasions he'd run into other boys his age from school and stay and play for quite a while. I love that he's old enough to do that! 

Coraline and Mara have been having weekly playdates with my friend Teri's daughters. This can sometimes make Nell feel like she's getting the short end of the stick, so I made sure to invite one of her best friends over a couple weeks ago while the weather was still nice. Reid had a sleepover at Ben's after a long day hike in the state park. I'm grateful these sweet friendships can make these kids feel like their life is full and the world is still a wonderful place. The pandemic sure has made lots of things difficult -- having them all home for school is NOT my favorite thing -- but we are trying to make the best of it and learn the importance of family love along the way. 

Friday, October 30, 2020

Nell's 8th Birthday Interview (5 weeks later)

 How old are you? Eight

What makes you happy? Family

What is your favorite animal? Giant Panda, Red Panda, Flamingo, Sloth, and Armadillo

What is your favorite thing to eat? Salmon

What is your least favorite thing to eat? 
Broccoli

What is your favorite thing to do? Play with Coraline and Mara and Reidy

What is your favorite TV show? Carmen San Diego

What are you really good at? Playing Soccer and the Piano

What is your favorite Movie? Moana

What is your favorite color? Purple

What is your favorite song? You are My Sunshine and Kesha's Praying

Who is your best friend? Brooklyn, Addy and Aubryn, Georgia and Ellary

What do you and your mom do together? Play board games or read

What do you and your dad do together? Wrestle Fight

Where is your favorite place to go? Grandma Bassett's house, and Grandma Szilagyi's

What is your favorite book? Jasmine Toguchi series, Wings of Fire graphic novels, and Charlotte's Web

What do you want to be when you grow up? Nurse at Mercy Medical






Sunday, October 11, 2020

A Beautiful Fall Week in a Nightmare Year

Yeah, we are going to stick with that title. I'm creating joy by finding beauty in everyday little moments. But I want to remember this was something I did while a nightmare settled in each day. 


The masks aren't the nightmare. They are just a hiccup. A historical reminder of life in 2020 (and hopefully not too much of 2021). Our 8th annual trip to Little Farmer was as delicious as ever (I'm talking about you, caramel apples), but the perfect farm playground was closed. Ben came with us this year, and that made up for any pining after the playground. 


Reid is boldly stepping into his role as care taker of little sisters. He loves having a new roommate, and without prompting cut her fingernails as part of their bedtime routine that evening. 


He also became obsessed with woolly bear caterpillars. He spent much of his school time researching them, even though that wasn't an assignment. 


Nell was busy one recess building a little fall store in our backyard. This girl loves to gather and display things. She doesn't play with them once her vision is complete, but she sure enjoys the process. 


After school was over Tuesday afternoon we tried to go to the zoo one final time. Turns out it is already closed for the season, so we just dipped our toes in Lake Winnebago one last time instead. 


It was lovely having the beach to ourselves. Sand on your feet is good for your soul. 


Sunshine on your belly button probably is too ;). 


For our lunch break on Thursday we went to red arrow park and conquered the army tanks. 



While the big kids were playing on rusty machinery, Mara had me all to herself over on the playground. When Nell and Coraline came to join us Mara grabbed my face and demanded "Don't talk to my siblings. It's just mommy and Mara time. I want you to myself." It struck me that, that is exactly what she should be getting this year -- lots of time with me to herself. So I happily gave in and pretended like the older kids weren't there. I'm not sure they even noticed. 


Back at home that afternoon, the kids took over our newly paved street. The entire stretch in front of our house is covered with their creations. I love how much fun they have when they peacefully work together as a gang of four. 

Friday night was by far our best moment. It was bedtime, but also a perfect 70 degrees at dusk. I called them outside and told them to enjoy some time in the tree swing. As the dark settled in they became a little anxious, but I forced them to stay out just a minute longer. Before the stars filled the sky they each found a little pumpkin light in the Halloween bins and they began to make magic. They created games and elaborate stories. They chased each other around the dark yard. They screamed and giggled as they jumped at each other in delight. We all laid in the grass and sought constellations in the night sky. None of us wanted the moment to end. And all day today they have asked to recreate it. I told them nights like that loose their magic if they are forced -- if they are often repeated. The magic in Friday night was organic. It was pure childhood happiness, the nightmares vanished in the wide space between us and Heaven. Or is it the other way around, did Heaven come down to us and take the nightmares away? 

I have no pictures of that evening, but I hope it's the memory I hold on to as this week becomes a distant memory. That moment with my children was the peace my soul has been longing for.
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