Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Table Manners

I don't have them.  Really, none.  Tonight we had a Relief Society dinner and it wasn't until we were half way through (well, I wasn't; my plate was cleared and my fingers licked) before I even thought about etiquette.

The embarrassment set in shortly after.

I had about two bites left, most ladies plates were still half full.  I had sweet pork juice running down my fingers and I hadn't even picked up a napkin.  Really?!?!  Am I that barbaric!

I love my parents, I do.  And they taught me many valuable lessons.  But table manners weren't one of them.  Or maybe I was grounded that night and had to have dinner in my room (nope, cause that was never a thing).  I really don't know why I have such poor public eating habits.  Maybe it is because uur dinner table didn't feel like a public place, and we rarely dined out.  Most likely I just didn't listen the 100 times they reminded me not to reach over people, but to politely ask "please pass the water."

Shortly after Ben and I had our first kiss we went to the local Indian Restaurant.  For full disclosure, this restaurant was the back room of a gas station.  Judge me, I don't care.  It was yummy food.  And I ate it with my fingers.  If you like Indian food, try it with your fingers . . . I'm not sure why but it does taste better that way.  Ben still took me out after that date, and now he's stuck with my poor form.

Sometimes I fart at our dinner table, and I wouldn't even give this second thought if Ben didn't scowl at me once the smells sets in.  REALLY, what is my problem?

Anyway, tonight I just had to accept that this is never going to change.  I'd really like for it to, but I've been aware of my crudeness since the 8th grade.  Ms Dewyze made a french meal for us and I was the only one that didn't know a three course meal meant salad should be eaten before beef.  It was embarrassing.

Since then I've made many attempts to fix my bad habits, but tonight I recognized failure.  I've decided I should stop trying and just embrace the embarrassment.  Besides,  what are the chances anyone notices?

Don't answer that.


Lauren Szilagyi said...

I have never noticed..and I got scrowled at for burping at the dinner table when you were over haha now I don't feel bad for doing that, I'm not alone!

Kim and Cory said...

ok, that was so funny! I love the farting at the dinner table comment. Sounds a little too much like my house now, and growing up. Thanks for the laugh.

Jodi said...

This is absolutely hilarious. My family and I have always had crude table manners too {sometimes it is so gut busting funny that I couldn't imagine it any other way!}. I bet a lot of people have bad manners {especially when they are home and not at a RS function}, they are just insecure about it. As Shrek says, "Better out than in I always say!" Haha.

Utah Youngs said...

you have just described every meal ever eaten at our house to a tee!! maybe it's a delta thing...hmm, who knows!! i am still laughing out loud...

Scott and Claudia said...

So so so sorry sister. We thought (belch) we did much better than you make it out to be (toot toot).
Love, Ma and Pa Kettle
P.S. A three course meal is to be eaten as you please if it's all served at once! Bring on the dessert!!!

Scott and Claudia said...

Your RS dinner behavior sounded just like one of our home dinner times! You were raised well my dear! So here is the plan. Next time you are chez nous we are having a FHE on table manners. I am in charge of refreshments (a 5 course meal!) Dad is in charge of the lesson (a reading of:" How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food") And, you are in charge of music, and no, 'Beans, Beans, Musical Fruit' does not count as an opening song!
A peek in to the lesson: "How does a Dinosaur eat all his food? Does he burp, does he belch, or make noises quite rude?" Pick your dinosaur. I dubs Stegosauras! Mom

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