New Van

We were without a mini-van for almost three weeks once we returned from Utah. The transmission started to act up when Ben drove home from the Chicago airport. A good cleaning from our local auto shop gave it a nice temporary fix, but Ben didn't want the kids and I driving in it. So he took it to work each day and we crammed in his little sedan. It wasn't as bad as I'd have imagined -- other than the restricted travel. I couldn't fit Reid in his booster seat (next to his two sisters' carseats) so I didn't take the freeway (or even any higher speed highways), which restricted us to just a few mile radius around our house.

Shopping for a new van turned out to be a real headache. We began our search the first nights I was back in Oshkosh. We paid Sam (our neighbor) to come babysit while we went and test drove a few different Dodge Grand Caravans. But none of the first three cars we drove shouted "buy me!" Plus, I just didn't know which of all the little used car dealers I should trust.

I knew I trusted the guy who owns the auto shop and used car lot we frequent here in our small community, so I finally sat down with him and gave him an idea of what we were looking for. Then I waited almost a week to hear back from him. That got me looking on my own again -- which sparked Ben to start looking on his own again as well.

During our second big search we went to two larger dealers and a mid-sized guy (and drug the kids along with us -- that babysitter money disappeared real fast). We really liked the idea of supporting small, local businesses, but in the end it was the big dealer in the town south of us that won us over. And I shouldn't even put it that way. They didn't win us over, we just finally picked the car they had to offer.

After visiting half a dozen dealers I do have two bits of advice. First, don't show dirty cars! Honestly, I probably would have gone with one of the first three had it been a little cleaner. And I refused to buy the one we finally settled on until they gave it a nice detailed clean (yes, that is what I choose to barter on). I get it, we are buying a used car. I don't expect a new car small. But I also don't want someone else's food grease on the ceiling of my new $12,000 purchase. I feel like that is a reasonable request. The other thing that kind of irked me is all the hidden fees. And again, I get that you have extra costs in addition to the actual vehicle (registration transfer, federal background check, etc) but I wish that would have been neatly added for a big grand total tag. Kind of like airplane tickets. When I purchase those I am shown the cost of the actual ticket and then given the taxes and fees in smaller print underneath and then in big bold letters, the total cost. I think car dealers should do the same.

But really, the reason I am writing this post is not to complain, but to please Reid. See, when we turned in our old Honda (which they gave us $700 for) last Thursday the poor boy was in tears. It was parked next to our new vehicle and when he walked out the front door he made a straight line to our old van and gave it a big old hug. I mean a sincere love hug. It was sweet. Until he started bawling as we drove away.

After spending the day in our new van I asked him how he felt about the whole situation, and our conversation went something like this.

"I like the new van, but I still miss our old one."

"It was a good car, huh buddy?"

"Can you write a blog about it?"

"Sure, I can do that."

If I had a picture, I'd include it. But I don't. If I had awesome memories, I'd include them. But I don't. It was a good little first minivan that held up for three solid years. It was, no lie, a 1999. Yes, it was made the very year Ben started driving, and before I even had my learner's permit. How hysterical! We sent her off with 214,000 miles, only about 30,000 of which were put on by us. I'm grateful it lasted as long as it did, and I'm glad the headache of replacing her is finally over.

Here's to at least 13 years or 114,000 miles with the new guy!

A Look Back: Top 10 Posts of 2014

My friend Amy over at Motherhood and Miscellany shared her five most popular and five favorite blogposts of 2014, and I really liked that idea. So I'm stealing it (thanks Amy!).

Only problem is, I just don't have the time to look through all 365 of them to pick my five favorites. I'd really like to, and one day I may highlight some of my own favorite posts, but right now -- with a slumbering infant on my belly -- I just can't. So here are the ten most popular instead.

10. Guilty and Charged
I'm wondering if NPR has a backtrack link, because I'm not really sure how this made it to the top ten list. I'm also not sure who the one comment was from. But I appreciate the highlighted attention this issue was given. I'm passionate about fixing our justice system. We need more mercy.

9. Stories of Jesus
I think this is the only do-it-yourself project I've ever shared on this blog. So Yipee! for the fact that others seem to be using it. My kids love coloring this book at Church, but I'm not sure how much it has helped with reverence -- since we go through a dozen wipes cleaning the thing, and making sure Nell only colors the book (and not the pew/walls) always gets me a little worked up.

8. What they Sacrificed
A few weeks ago this showed up on my sideroll as most popular post of the month. Which was weird because it is more than 10 months old. But I liked it, so I shared it on facebook -- adding to the total views (sharing on facebook boosts a post by about 60 views). I always enjoy writing posts where I share my personal thoughts/opinions/insights with a mix of childhood memories.

7. Abrahamic Covenant
This was one of my favorite posts to write. Sometimes I am really upset by the unkindness shown to Muslims on social media sites. And this post was a positive way for me to handle those frustrations. I'm grateful for the opportunity I had to study such a difficult gospel topic, and I learned and grew a lot from that study.

6. Wipe Toys
Okay, first and foremost, no way was Nell that little at the beginning of 2014. No way. My baby has grown up so much (and been replaced) in just one year. The thing I really like about this post is the collage with letters on it -- it reminds me how excited I was to start making my posts look pinterest worthy. A goal I quickly gave up on.

5. The New Math
Yay for one of my common core posts making it into the top five! I am not ashamed of my love for Common Core Standards and I hope my children are fortunate enough to be taught "the new math" alongside "the old math", so that they are given an opportunity to think critically about numbers and all things math. Down with rote memorization! Long live Common Core!

4. Modesty and stuff
There was an internet moment in 2014, where Mormons (and other Christians) were all up in arms over modesty. I decided to add my voice, and a lot of personal experiences, to the fray.

3. Dating Panel
The popularity of this post is a complete mystery to me. Most the posts on this list were shared on pinterest or facebook and that's how their views soared. But I didn't share this anywhere, and yet it was viewed more than 300 times. There's some decent advice in there (even in the comments), but for the most part I just wrote that one to cover my one-a-day goal.

2. Mozzarella Stuffed Meatballs
I'm 100% positive I only made this recipe once in all of 2014 (and to be fully honest, those pictures may be from late 2013, who knows). But others made it nearly 500 times (based on the stats). So that's a plus!

1. Freezer French Toast Sticks
This recipe on the other hand, I make it almost monthly. We love our french toast sticks and I'm glad others do too. I've actually changed the recipe up since that post, I'll have to share the update soon. 

No extra sleep here

Oh daylight savings time, I see little value in your existence. 

Door to Door Sales People

I need to change my approach with door to door soliciting. I don't know if it is my need to be polite, or my sincere interest in products, or something else ... but I always end up feeling like even the most well intention-ed sales people leave me with a bad experience.

So maybe I'll have to start being less polite. More firm.

My real problem is that people never answer your question! And I get tricked into their distractions (most the time anyway). Seriously, door to door solicitors are like politicians when it comes to avoiding direct questions.

"How many pounds of chicken is in a case?" has a simple answer. "Oh, let me go get the box for you," is NOT the right response. Especially when the box has no clear marking of product weight.

"How much does a single Living Scripture DVD cost?" has a simple answer. "We have several different purchasing packages available for you, let me show you some clips from the videos in each package," is just the long way of saying "You have to buy them as a package, and in the end they'll each cost you about $30.00."  That poor sales rep, spent an hour in my home and left with nothing to show for it. But I'm not dumb. I can do math, and with or without his help I was going to find the answer to my question. Once I did it was sayonara.

If you offer to come clean my couch for free, that's what I'm agreeing to ... not a 90 minute sales demo of the Kirby. When I ask you for a window replacement estimate, I actually want an estimate, not a 60 minute demo of your product (you weren't even a door to door guy!).

Ben says I should know better by now, and I should. But each visit is far enough apart from the other that I forget how direct I need to be with my questions. Maybe venting a little bit about it in this post will be the reminder I need for next time.  

One Last Day of Summer

This afternoon probably marks the last time Reid and Nell played in their little outdoor swimming pool. I was tempted to take more pictures and videos, but I realized I've probably bored you enough with them. It's just so nice to sit out in a lawn chair and watch my kids enjoy a hot afternoon in the yard.

The forecast for the rest of the week isn't pretty (probably going to switch from A/C to heater in a matter of days). The leaves haven't started to change yet (at least not ours), but I know Fall (and then Winter) is just around the corner.

This morning we enjoyed the library story hour, and during the midday I completed various kitchen cleaning tasks. Overall, it was a pleasant and simple day. I love those. 

Social Media and My Fear of Instagram

I've been experimenting with facebook lately. In short, I stopped "liking" things and deleted the app from my phone. This has given me more time for productive social media sites, like the sinkhole that is pinterest (which I'd abandoned since early Spring). Overall, I'm liking the change.

Blogging, I obviously still do and love. Twitter, I followed some journalists on Twitter for like three days during the height of the Ferguson, MO riots and arrests. That was fun. I could get into the news/political scene on Twitter. But for now I plan on just sticking with the comment board on NPR. Oh comment boards. NPR has some brilliant readers and a large dose of your usual racist/sexist/bigoted/prejudiced trolls. The comment board is both enlightening and madly frustrating.

What about Instagram? One of my best gal pals recently told me she prefers Instagram to facebook. Her theory made sense. How'd she put it? Instagram is a more positive, friendly place to spy on people's lives? I can't exactly remember, but for a minute I was almost on board. One of my favorite parts of facebook is all the pictures. Wedding pictures, baby pictures, vacation pictures, what we had for dinner pictures -- I love them all. But not selfies -- selfies I do not love. So I have this fear that Instagram would be the worst of facebook and pinterest combined.

What are your thoughts? Which social media sites do you enjoy the most?



I found this bit bashing Instagram on Pinterest. Go figure. 

I love boring

Today was fabulous.

We cleaned and organized our basement storage/laundry room. We loaded up a big box of Goodwill donation items (and only bought a tie while browsing). We filled a bag with food items and dropped them off at the food pantry.

Boring never felt so good.

After a morning of cleaning up and cleaning out, Ben and the kids took naps while I freshened up the look of my blog (which may have involved a lot of cursing, but I think it turned out alright).

Mid-afternoon we took a trip to the library. I browsed Parents magazine. Speaking of cleaning up, it feels good to no longer subscribe. Don't get me wrong, I love reading Parents ... but I hated the pile up on my night stand. I finally just chucked them all, let my subscription expire and will occasionally skim them at the library.

Back at home Ben and Reid watched a movie, and I cooked dinner. Nell ran around the house like a crazy 18-month-old and left messes everywhere she went.

After dinner we did chores and our bedtime routine. We had lots of new books to read, and while Ben and Reid enjoyed several different non-fiction, vehicle picture books, I started putting some glow in the dark stars on the bedroom ceiling. Reid has been begging for them to go up for months (and months and months). He and Nell gazed with excitement as we tucked them in and closed the door.

Boring never felt so good. 

In Defense of Lego

So, lately Lego has been getting a bad rap. Their new (as in two or three years ago) Friends line seems to have caused a stir (does anyone realize they once had a "homemaker" line?). Some of this is deserved, because really -- there is no defense for this advertising bit:
      “Break the big story of the world’s best cake with the Heartlake News Van! Find the
       cake and film it with the camera and then climb into the editing suite and get it 
       ready for broadcast. Get Emma ready at the makeup table so she looks her 
        best for the camera." 
Wait, what the what? Get Emma ready at the make up table? Which apparently is a huge vanity in the news crew van -- which apparently doesn't have any filming equipment. That is outrageous! So I get it, I really do understand why people are put off by Lego's newest move to recruit girls.

But ... this is a post in Lego's defense ... so here goes.

As a girl with all brothers, I had very little interest in their Lego sets. I remember Lego being one of my brothers' favorite toys -- particularly the oldest two brothers -- and I remember them spending hours building new sets. They'd invite me to join them, but I only lasted a minute or two. I didn't care about building some giant ship with tiny little blocks, and I certainly wasn't going to sit and follow all those directions. However, once the ship was built, I loved playing make believe games with them. I didn't hesitate to take on a character role in any one of their Lego games. But during the building process, I preferred to stay in my own room and play some make believe game with my Barbie dolls, where in the shorter brunette doll (was it Skipper or Whitney?) was always the "hero" (aka most popular character) in whatever story I was making up (which I think says a lot about me (PS I was blonde as a kid)).

With this background in mind, I completely understand why Lego has decided to create Duplo's that come with an actual story. Nell loves the two books we have, and consequently she loves playing with those Lego characters and vehicles. Also, I completely understand why Lego has decided to create Duplo's that tell the already familiar Disney Princess stories. Girls love stories!

Last weekend I was at a certain store which must not be named, and they were having a 50% off sale on almost all their toys, including the Cinderella Duplo sets (her castle and her carriage). I'd had these items on Nell's amazon gift idea list, because I love Legos and I love Cinderella, but I was never going to buy them at full cost. Especially not when we already have plenty of perfectly fine sets for Nell to play with. But 50% off? This Lego loving mom couldn't pass that up.

Yet thanks to all the anti-Lego articles floating around the internet, I did hesitate.

Why does Nell need Lego's in pink and purple? She doesn't. The primary color ones are fine. Why does Nell need princess Lego's? She doesn't. We already have a zoo set and a train set that are perfectly girl compatible. But, you didn't hesitate to buy Reid the construction worker set and the fire truck vehicle. Why do you hesitate to buy a Disney princess set? 

And that is where I ran out of answers. There is no internet outrage over Lego's Chima line, or their Star Wars/Hobbit/Lord of the Rings sets, or the widely popular Lego City and Lego Ninjago books, building blocks, and movies. Lego has been boy focused for sooooo long, and that was just fine. I suppose the thinking was that if girls wanted to play with Lego sets they would. I'm certain there is some element of truth to this -- our culture assumes it is okay for a girl to want to play with ninjas and hobbits, but we certainly would be shocked if a boy wanted to play with princesses and fairies.

And so for years and years Lego has been boy focused. And being boy focused equated to being neutral. The gender outrage didn't seem to exist until they pulled out the pink and purple bricks. The real truth is, Lego has been gender biased and gender stereotypical for years. A point that doesn't really make for a great defense, other than to address the strange acceptance our society has with boy toys. It appears the real Lego outrage is simply that Lego has started selling "girly."

But Lego certainly isn't the only toy line who has become skinnier, prettier, and more make-up covered since the 80s. Pretty much all of them have. Lego just seems to be getting the brunt of it.

Had Lego's homemaker line lasted late into the 80s it is likely I would have enjoyed Legos. If I had been able to build Cinderella's castle and carriage out of Legos I probably would have loved playing with them. Life isn't so simple that girls love pink and purple and boys love blue and (is there a second boy color?). But gender is real. Gender differences and preferences exist.

So long as we keep letting our toy companies market battling and science fiction toys to our boys I don't really understand why we get so upset when they market homemaking and fantasy toys to our girls.

I'm fine with people disliking the gender roles played out in Lego Friends and Disney Princess, but it only makes sense to me that those same people would also dislike the gender roles played out in Lego Ninjago and Star Wars. 

Internet Quizzes

In order to post each day I have to take inspiration from other sites. I'm just not creative enough to do this all on my own. Tonight, I take inspiration from Amy, @ motherhood and miscellany. (who happened to be the second person I saw doing quick takes, so that idea was also kind of from her).

Like Amy, I have created a habit of taking almost all of the random quizzes people post on facebook. I rarely share my results, I already post too much on facebook. But I am thrilled each time I see one of those silly quizzes. It's like my Seventeen magazine is showing up in my mailbox all over again. Cause seriously, that's all that magazine subscription was good for, personality quizzes on the school bus!  

So far I have a strong Salt Lake City accent (go figure). I should have been a humanitarian (teacher is close enough, right?), and I particularly loved the last line in that summary "you is kind, you is smart, you is important" (okay, so I know I've read at least one fabulous piece of literature since joining the ranks of motherhood). I belong in Wyoming (shout out to Carolyn), but I am an Idaho Mormon (I don't know how I would have reacted if I had been given "Utah Mormon"). Now is an appropriate time to say that I don't have strong opinions about some of the questions' answers (me not having strong opinions, shocking, I know). Like I only chose team Jacob because I feel like saying "I don't care" is a vote for team Edward, and that'd be disastrous. Also, how am I suppose to choose a favorite Killers song? Especially when you don't have Sam's Town listed. Anyway ...

The most difficult one I have taken so far was the iPersonic Personality test. I wish I could remember what result I had the first time, just now it gave me Groundbreaking Thinker, and I don't think that was what I had the first time. I remember the result using a word that sounded fresh. Maybe that word was "groundbreaking." 

Much less serious ones I've taken have informed me that if I were a Disney Villian I'd be the Queen of Hearts, and if I were a creature from the Hobbit, well, I'd be a Hobbit.  

The most inaccurate one was which clique would I be if I went back to HS. I should have known not to take that one. Dumb. 

So if you ever post one of those silly quizzes on facebook, please know you will have forced me to waste 10 minutes of my day. Yes, forced! I just can't resist them! (okay, that's a lie, I resist a lot of the character ones, mostly because I have no idea what show/movie those quizzes are referring to). 

Remember what they sacrificed

I had a whole post written up in regards to all the "being a Dr is hard" articles I've seen floating around my facebook feed lately. I always read (or at least skim) these articles because I want to empathize with Doctors. I am certain that joining the medical field, and even being a veteran in it, is challenging, exhausting, and under-appreciated work.

Teachers are often recognized as a group of professionals who do more than they are compensated for, and naturally it makes sense that Doctors, even with their higher salaries, would feel the same way. So I read on. If I want people to think about how much sacrifice their child's teacher makes, then I should listen to the sacrifices of Doctors. 

But today, while reading such an article, I had a fresh thought on the topic. Perhaps my generation is just a bunch of college graduate whiners. 

Obviously no one goes into teaching with the hopes of making it rich. Surely Doctors don't enter the profession expecting a simple 40 hour work week. We all knew that professional life beyond graduation wasn't going to be perfect. Yet here we are, writing essay upon essay about how hard our life is, about how crushing our student loan debt feels. But are we overlooking the fact that our parents' generation felt the exact same way?

I remember a friend of mine once pointing out that young couples often make the mistake of comparing their current state of being with their parents current state of being. New parents may think they want, maybe even feel like they deserve, a nice new house like their own parents have, often overlooking that when their own parents were young and just starting out they did not have that dream home. 

My mom has recently shared with me an incident that happened when I was just six weeks old.*(see comments for accurate version of the story) I am a third child, so she had a 3.5 year-old and and 2-year old at home as well. One afternoon she started bleeding and needed to drive from our farm house into the nearby "city" hospital, seven miles away. The problem was she was stuck out on the farm without a vehicle. My father drove their only car (the one I imagine he had all through college) to and from work each day, and he was still "in town" at work. She walked down the street to our nearest neighbor, my Aunt and Uncle, to borrow my Aunt's car. She packed the three of us up in the borrowed car and drove into town for the medical treatment she needed.

After this incident her father gave her his old pick up truck. I remember that truck well. Which means they held onto an old beat up, hand me down vehicle for many years. At six weeks old my father began driving that green and white Ford to and from work. He must have driven it every day for the next eight years. Use it up, wear it out, or do without. 

Growing up we had an unfinished basement. It was our playroom. Cement floors and wooden posts were the happy maze of my childhood. I remember one toy being down in that playroom -- a kitchen set. That's it, one toy. Two rooms were "finished." One was the storage room (which was obviously unfinished but it's walled off appearance made it feel decorated) and the other was my parents bedroom. Upstairs we had one bathroom, two bedrooms, a front room and a kitchen/dining room. The washer and dryer lived in a closet in the kitchen. Bouncing on the dryer during heavy loads was a simple childhood joy. 

I'm certain that if I were to ask my parents they would tell me that all the furniture of my childhood was second hand. 

They sacrificed. They always worked three jobs between the two of them. At times one (or both) of them worked three jobs themselves. Both were college grads, and after child #4 my Dad completed his master's degree. 

Social media didn't exist during their young parenting years, so maybe that is the only reason there wasn't a long list of whiny articles about how hard life was. Perhaps the local newspapers refused to publish such editorials. Or maybe they just didn't complain about it. Maybe they knew that starting out was hard work, and that the end reward was worth it. 

For multiple decades new parents, new professionals, have doggy paddled under a sea of debt. They've up-cycled and thrift shopped. What my generation is experiencing is nothing new. We falsely compare ourselves to the generation ahead of us. We assume that because Uncle So and So is a wealthy Doctor we should be too, completely ignoring the fact that Uncle So and So has been working for nearly 30 years, and we are on week three. We think we deserve glamorous houses, completely forgetting that our own childhoods were spent writing A.B. + M.C. on unfinished basement walls. 

We feel like their is no hope, because the media is quick to remind us that our country is falling to shreds. 

We need to snap out of this trance. It is a lie. We, like all the generations before, are required to make sacrifices before we earn our rewards. Our children need to see those sacrifices. They need to be a part of it, so that one day when they are tempted to write about how picked on they are they will stop and realize that achievement requires hard work -- not just a few years of college, but entire decades of sacrifices -- sacrifices that make living a career they love worth it. 

I'm not going to lie and say teaching was easy, nor that living on a teacher's salary in DC was doable. I won't tell new Doctors to toughen up. Let's acknowledge the difficulty, but let's stop complaining and start hoping. One day we will have our parents comfort, and in the mean time we shouldn't rob ourselves of their happiness.  

Just Sayin

Some things puzzle me.

Like post round ups. I'm fine with a basic round up of 10, even 25 different ideas. Be they party themes, homemade gifts, crafts for the letter L, whatever -- a simple list with 25 or fewer is fine.

If you don't spend much time reading blogs or scrolling through pinterest you may have no idea what I am talking about.

Lucky you.

Now, I'm not trying to be a hater. I avoid negativity where possible. But some things just puzzle me. Like this:

 

One-hundred of the best popcorn recipes? First, are there really 100 different ways to make popcorn? And at what point is it no long popcorn? I mean, some of that is just trail mix that happens to have popcorn in it.

Second, when you claim "of the best" you are reaching for the top 10%. Are there really 1,000 different ways to make popcorn, and has anyone really tried each of them and judged which ones are best?

Don't get me wrong, scrolling through that list made me want to try a few things. Cookies and cream popcorn, yes please! I don't pass up anything with Oreo's in it. And I looked for a curry popcorn under the savory list, but there isn't one. How can there be 100 best popcorn recipes and none of them have curry in them? Saracha, but no curry? Saracha popcorn would kill me. Knock. Me. Out. I don't even know if my hubby, who adds saracha to everything -- everything -- would like that.

So what is my point? Obviously this post won't put an end to ridiculously long round up lists, and it won't stop anyone from pinning the above image.

I don't know, I guess I don't have a point. Sometimes we just need something to complain about.

And tonight, I picked popcorn round ups. 

When to live

I've been thinking a lot lately about the balance of learning from your past and planning for your future, while living in the moment.

I've always been a bit sentimental about my past. I'm not sure if this is because of my great pride, seriously, I love my life! Or maybe it is the result of lifelong journaling and the time spent looking over old photos and memorabilia. I don't know what the cause of my sentimentality is, but I've always tried to keep a tab on my sappy romanticizing of my former life stages and experiences.

I'm the exact opposite about my future. Sure there's the "oh, one day it'd be cool to ..." conversations you have with others, but the older I get the more realistic I've become about those dreams. And I honestly can't envision anything past the next two months. Even though I have two children sleeping soundly in the rooms next to mine, it is nearly impossible for me to believe I'll one day be the mom of teenagers. That just doesn't seem real. Clearly my kids will grow up, but that concept is so hard for me to grasp!

We have the missionaries over about once a week (wow, what a topic change, huh? stay with me). I don't even remember what their lesson was this past week, but they showed us a funny video ... oh yeah, Lott's wife! Well, I found myself saying that I have to make sure I don't ask "what if" questions. "What if I had dared try out for a college basketball team?" I just don't go there, because I didn't. There is no what if. My college life is what it was, and it was quiet fabulous. So why waste time wondering?

On several different occasions Ben has said to me, "what if I had just been willing to go to BYU Law?" There are a couple obvious answers to that question. 1) We'd have no law school debt (oh the joys!) and 2) I would have spent the first four years of my married life near my family. But then there are all the "hmmm, what ifs?" to that question. Like, would I have enjoyed teaching Utah kids? Would I have even been offered a job? Would we still live out there? Would I have hated Utah valley as much as I imagine? Oh, the ward would surely have driven us bonkers!

And that's why I avoid "what if?" musings. There is no what if. You cannot adequately imagine your life some other way, and you are only cheating yourself of enjoying the memories you've built when you try to picture it all differently.

Just as the "what ifs?" are so hard to imagine, I realize the "somedays" are equally difficult for me to figure out. I remember a working mom friend of mine asking me if I thought I'd be a stay at home mom. I said no. I've often wondered if I intentionally lied to her to make her feel better about her choices. I don't think I did. At the time I really probably couldn't imagine myself enjoying staying at home all day.  I don't think I ever saw myself sewing my child his own set of training pants or farm animal puppets. Who would have guessed I'd find budgeting so enjoyable? Or that I'd spend hours pinning do it yourself home decor ideas. During my patriarchal blessing my parents literally laughed out loud when I was blessed to be a good cook. Laughed out loud, during something that is suppose to be so sacred. I took no offense; my fourteen-year-old self was (occasionally) great at baking cookies and browning beef. That was about it.

I'm not sure what the purpose of these ramblings are. Maybe I'm just blogging because I know it makes my dad happy (shout out Scotty P!). But I guess I'd really like to hear from anyone reading this far along. What do you do to help you prepare for your future? How do you make sure you don't spend time day dreaming about your past? And is it okay to be someone who just lives in the moment?

Money Manners

Months and months ago I had a friend write a post on facebook that went something like this: "I can't believe how much money people spend on clothes. I don't know if people just have a lot of debt or what, but I'm amazed every time I see young moms like me come out of the mall with huge shopping bags of expensive clothes. It'd be nice to have money to waste on that kind of stuff."

I thought about leaving a comment, defending young moms who occasionally splurge on a nice outfit, but after I read through all the comments that had already been left I thought better of it. Everyone rallied around the original comment and seemed to rail on people who think nice clothes matter and young mothers who buy into popular trends.

To be clear, the original post and subsequent comments didn't upset me. I just thought I'd point out that we all prioritize our spending differently. Worried my comment could be misinterpreted, I kept quiet, but found myself following the thread for fascination's sake.

Shortly after this incident President Uchdorf made his famous "don't judge others because they sin differently than you," comment.

I think this could also apply to each of our household budgets, "don't judge me because I spend my money differently than you."  Yes, my closet holds five pairs of $100 jeans. They are the only jeans on the planet that are long enough for me, and you know what, I bought most of them using my Buckle employee discount. Which means I've worn these expensive pants for almost 7 years.

What I had wanted to write in response to this friend's comment was that those same women probably look at her gorgeous house and wonder how she can afford such grandeur. They probably only dream of taking vacations as exotic as she does. We all choose to spend our money on different things, and there is no need to waste time comparing or feeling less than.

This topic has continued to resurface for me during the months since that facebook thread. Maybe blogging about it will finally help me get all my thoughts out.

Since then I've been on several visiting teaching routes where I've heard sisters say to my companion "You have such a nice big beautiful home." or "It must be nice not to worry about bills." My companion is a dear and she simply reminds the accuser that we all have bills to worry about. After one such comment there was a knock on the door and our teach-ee had to let the cable company come repair her reception. My companion turned to me and said "We've never had cable." I smiled and told her we don't have it either. Neither one of us would have ever said to this sister "It must be so nice to have enough money to pay for 80 TV channels." Making others feel bad about how they spend their money is useless and unfair.

I've had a friend make similar comments to me on multiple occasions. I found myself feeling as though I had to justify having nice things. "Grandma bought Reid that toy," or "We found these pants at Goodwill." If I ever mentioned our YMCA membership I was quickly chastised "we can't afford that." When I mentioned couponing at our local grocery store I was told "we can't afford to shop there, even with coupons."

So imagine my complete shock when this friend's spouse told us his income. It is one and a half times larger than Ben's. I came home trying to sort out my feelings. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't mad. What was I? I was just surprised. Why had I been made to feel guilty for couponing at a nice grocery store? Why had I been made to feel guilty for having a big backyard? And maybe her intent was never to make me feel guilty. I take full responsibility for those feelings; I chose them. But I think we'd go along way to eliminate words and phrases like "I can't afford that."

This week at the library I was swapping e-mail addresses with other mom's and I said "It'd probably be easier for you to take my e-mail address since I don't have a smart phone." I didn't say "you'll have to take my e-mail address since I can't afford a smart phone." It's true that we don't have money in our budget for a smart phone. Instead I choose to spend $40 a month on a family YMCA membership. In This winter I spent $60 on a sewing class. I can't afford a smart phone or cable because I choose to spend my money on other things.

I have to admit, when Ben first started his job I made a comment to someone about spending money on things we couldn't afford. At the time I felt justified in doing so because this person told Ben and I they wanted his pay cut and his pension depleted. I later apologized because I realized it shouldn't matter that they had nicer things than us and made more money on lower levels of Education. I still believe the whole "Yes, I want your pay lowered so that my pay can be higher" comment was inappropriate,  but it wasn't an excuse for me to be a jerk right back.

We all have a lot to learn, and I hope I can learn to take the phrase "I can't afford the nice things you can" out of my conversations. Even if someone does have more money to afford things I can't, it isn't worth ruffling any feathers over. 

Envy

I assure you, I have no envy of Steve Jobs.  I would rather die cold, homeless and starved than die with what he had.

That man treated people like cogs in a machine. He knew his factories hung nets in their buildings in order to catch people when they tried to commit suicide.  He knew parents in China would get phone calls, telling them their children were in the hospital, due to working conditions at factories he contracted with.  He knew the people who built his products were only paid 31 cents an hour and worked up to 35 hours straight -- standing so long their legs would swell, making them unable to walk. And yet, in PR stunts across the world he talked about how well treated they were because of the factories' nice restaurants.

I pray that when he met our Maker, he learned about the love of Christ.  I pray he learned how deeply Christ loves all His Chinese children who have been treated like animals so that Steve Jobs company could make record profits.  I pray he understands how deeply Christ has suffered for those children.

This may seem really out of the blue.  But I'll discuss it more later.  I can't even focus right now.  I'm sitting on my bed in tears. And I've only finished the first page of a seven page cover story printed by the NY Times today.

I NEVER read the Times. I don't read city newspapers, as I don't find them as credible a sources as national sites like NPR and Politico.  But this morning as I put Reid down for his nap I had the impression that I should check the NYTimes.

I'm so thankful I did.  As frustrating as the new knowledge I have is, I'm so thankful I have it.  

What was that like?

I remember once using the word "bored" to describe my feelings. 

I would love to be bored again, just for five minutes.

It'd be nice.

Molly

You know how some post ideas just never leave?  Well, this one first surfaced in Christmas 2008 ... long time coming!

First, let it be said that I HATE house cats (any house animals really -- ugh -- the hair)!  My mom always always had a house cat while I was growing up, and I never hesitated to let her know (in my best teenage sass) how much I hated it.

So is it weird that after 9 years away from home I absolutely LOVE the cat she has now?

Follow the link to my mom's blog (yes, she did my year-and-a-half-in-the-making-post for me) and find out why Molly stole my heart.

http://claudiaslovelaughinspire.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-may-not-be-whole-but-i-am.html

Doesn't she deserve a book named after her?

Why Ice Cream?

Give me one of these!!!

And woohoo for whoever voted on Asian takeout.

I've been waiting

As a little girl there are some things you must have, a favorite color, a favorite boy, a favorite number, and a favorite candy bar. I never had the latter. Know that I loved junk food. I couldn't get enough of these:

Note: There is both black and red licorice in that bag.

But they're not candy bars. So when I came home from the mish I decided it was time to get serious about this oh so very important decision. So I started to give myself a break with these:

An old college roommate's favorite.

But I think I've finally settled on my love. And I love the "2 To Go."

I think that secretly I always knew Milky Way was my soul mate, but it's not very popular so I claimed things like Reese's and Snickers. Oh the things we do to look cool. But my dear Milky Way, I'm glad you are finally such an important part of my life. LOVE YOU!

To all the boys who thought I couldn't take care of them.

Tonight I made a master piece.

I'm as surprised by this as the next guy. Ben, foolishly asked "You never made one with your mom?" Obviously he doesn't know her as well as we thought. Love you mom! (She's a great cook, that comment was not a slander at cooking -- those who know her will know exactly what I was stabbing at).

But the most amazing part is . . .
Our lasagna was accompanied with that green and purple stuff (pic taken before I dowsed it in Ranch).

I'm a chatter

The results:
20% of my readers make mumbles and shrills.
46% think things through out loud once in a while. And . . .
34% are like me!

Ben seems to disagree, he says I still talk to myself more than almost everyone who isn't certifiably nuts. And that's probably true. At first I was shocked and comforted by the amount of people voting for that last option. But then Ben kept reminding me, some who voted on the conversations with themselves scenario may only do this once a month or even less. I typically do it everyday. I get in my car, and chat away. I work out the incidents of the day, I plan what I'm going to say when I call parents, or I even "discuss" the two conflicting sides to my own ideals and opinions (like gay marriage and last nights episode of The Office). That's all. Just a daily chat with myself to recap the day's events. No big deal right?

Well, I don't think so. And it's a shame that I'm interrupted so often. I mean the moment I spot someone I have to stop my conversation. Shame shame, yup -- that's the shameful part.