Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Jibberish in My Head

Warning: I have no idea where this post is heading. Currently, I'm bummed out about turning 29 this week, so it may be sad :( but I remind myself it is the month of Thankfulness, so it may be happy :)

My sweet in-laws drove up to Wisconsin this afternoon for Sunday dinner and a little pre-birthday fun. Reid loved showing off his new walking skills; he's always such an attention hog. He was stripped down to his wife-beater after dinner, and I have to say the pot belly poking out was pretty cute. What a stud.

Wednesday I come 365 days away from 30 (ahh, is it a leap year this year, will I really be 366 days away?). While I was on the phone with my eldest brother tonight, I just kept thinking "You are 3 and a half years older than me, and you have all your kids now. You have the job you're going to stay at for life.  You have all your kids, with one in 1st grade.  You're only 3 and a half years older than me."

Is it crazy that I think like that? Don't answer. I'm not really trying to have this conversation with anyone.

When Reid and I go out shopping or to library groups there's always a mom or two who has me wondering "Are you a young grandma, or an older mom?"  And there's women I know are first time moms who are a generation older than me.  So I know I'm not late in the game, but sometimes I just wish I had three kids down by now.

Which is tricky, cause I'm really glad I didn't have Reid until I was (10 days shy of) 28. I love that I had three good years of college before I even thought about dating someone seriously.  I LU-HUVE that I was able to serve an LDS mission in my youth. I wouldn't be me if I hadn't had three and a half good years of DC public school teaching experience. I would never think twice about trading any of that in, in order to have two or three of my kids by now. And really, who knows . . . maybe Reid will be the only one. I mean, I can't get too far ahead of myself.

I guess I just wish you could freeze the aging process around 28. My body literally feels too old to pick Reid up somedays, but maybe those aging aches happen to 22-year-old moms as well?

My wonderings have really gone all over the place. So I'll end with the bottom line:  I'm really thankful life works on Heavenly Father's timeline. Where would I be without His guiding hand? I really just have to have faith that He knows how I am to be molded, that the experiences He affords me are what I need in order to become the most refined version of myself. Where would I be without that hindsight? How could I move on without that foresight?

And so, with that as my final conclusion, I guess I will allow the universe to age me one more year. Until someone tells me how I can stop it. 


Troy and Lisa said... maybe you wrote this cuz someone else your age needed to hear it too since she's awake thinking about life...One of the YW leaders I worked with asked another why she got married so late. So I turned to the other and asked how old she was. 24. TWENTY FREAKIN FOUR! I asked the first how could she think that was late? I was 24..a month away from 25 when I married. She pointed out that since she was married at 19, she was done having kids by 30 and was able to "enjoy her life now since she's done." Interesting. There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but they're not nice and too long to write here in a blog comment. So I won't. I did say them to my husband that night though. And I meant them. Sometimes I feel bad for girls who get married too young...but I'm sure they felt bad for me too.

Tiff said...

I got married just three months shy of my 28th birthday and had my baby at 30. I'm so glad I'm at the beginning of this journey. I kind of feel bad for people who are already done having all their kids. No more cute babies at their house. I guess they have other things to look forward to, but I'll eventually have those things to look forward to too. We're living longer nowadays so we're in better health in our golden years :)

I'm thankful that I was able to do all those things I wanted to before I had kids because now I can just enjoy this stage of my life and not think about how I've never been to certain places or did certain things. I have the security knowing that I have a good education and I know more about what's available out there for my kids. My mom had me at 18 and I felt like I couldn't really go to her for career/education advice and she wanted to do things but couldn't until we were all older. I felt like we were holding her back.

It's also kept me feeling younger. I see moms at church who have four kids and they seem so old, but then I remember that they are probably my age or younger. Everyone assumes I'm much younger than I actually am because I only have the one kid.

Scott and Claudia said...

Hey Sis you are turning 29 and bummed??? I am turning 60 and thinking life is so great!! Though I do think turning 30 bothered me more than any other year in life. Wonder why? Loved your post! So you want to know how to stop the aging process??? It is called death and dying. Just be happy to age!

Charles and Carolyn said...

Interesting. I'm sure you consider me the other side of the coin. I loved your post. The part I loved the most is that our lives really aren't on our timeline, but the Lords if we are willing. I have to admit I wasn't sure I was ready to be pregnant again, but I know that it is right and so I didn't stop it. I'm sure it will help refine me, but some days when I feel so sick and tired I wonder.

Charles and Carolyn said...

Oh, and Happy Birthday tomorrow!!!!

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